


Miku & Friends™ in: disaster house of friendship

by charcolor



Category: UTAU, Vocaloid
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - High School, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, M/M, for plot purposes not shipping/nsfw purposes. this is not a nasty house
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-04-06 07:17:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14051775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charcolor/pseuds/charcolor
Summary: (formerly known as "in this house, everyone is valid, except kaito")Miku Hatsune makes a group chat for her friends, pulling the poor kids into all of each other's shenanigans.





	1. the gang gets forced to interact with each other

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [hatsune miku vs. the world & knuckles: the electric boogaloo™](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11832336) by [afterreign](https://archiveofourown.org/users/afterreign/pseuds/afterreign). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 10-27-18: lately i've seen discussion about namine ritsu's gender and i wanna clear something up.
> 
> ritsu's gender is officially described as "ok*ma," which is a japanese slur used against gay men and trans women. this means that ritsu is canonically one of those two things. a lot of people see ritsu as a trans girl (which. they're not wrong), as opposed to myself, who sees ritsu as the other option, a gay boy (who happens to be trans as well). therefore i refer to ritsu using he/him pronouns. it's not because i am trying to misgender a trans girl, it's because i headcanon him as a trans gay boy. (no one's accused me of the former, but i don't want to give off that impression.)
> 
> thanks for reading :)

**_Miku Hatsune_**   _added **Megumi Yamane, Len Kagamine, Fukase Sugimoto, Iroha Nekomura, Ruko Yokune, Ritsu Namine, Gackpo Camui** and  **Cul Kitamura**_   _to the group._

 **Miku Hatsune:** welcome, ladies and gents, to miku's friends server!!!

 **Fukase Sugimoto:** how do you know we're ur friends

 **Iroha Nekomura:** can you prove you're not?

 **Megumi Yamane:** oh i dont like this

_**Megumi Yamane** changed her nickname to  **gumibear.**_

**Len Kagamine:** okay thank you I saw your full name in the group and forgot your full name isn't Gumi and I was like "who the heck is Megumi Yamane"

 **Iroha Nekomura:** ah we should set our nicknames so gumi doesn't stand out

_**Iroha Nekomura** changed her nickname to  **nya.**_

**Miku Hatsune:** nya

 **gumibear:** nya

 **nya:** nya

 **Fukase Sugimoto:** miku can you ban iroha

 **Miku Hatsune:** it's my friends server! we all have to be a part of this!

 **Miku Hatsune:** the only way out is to stop being my friend!

_**Miku Hatsune** changed her nickname to  **mikusama.**_

**mikusama:** i have declared myself god

_**Len Kagamine** changed his nickname to  **jesus.**_

**mikusama:** you can't do that len

 **jesus:** fine

_**jesus** changed his nickname to  **kagaymine.**_

**kagaymine:** how's this

 **nya:** perfect

_**Fukase Sugimoto** changed his nickname to  **fuckass.**_

**Cul Kitamura:** -_-

 **fuckass:** what

 **Cul Kitamura:** you're not very original.

 **fuckass:** u got any better ideas

 **fuckass:** didnt think so

_**Cul Kitamura** changed her nickname to  **cul beans.**_

**mikusama:** cul beans!! that's so cute!!

 **fuckass:** idgi

 **mikusama:** like cool beans

 **fuckass:** ah

_**Gackpo Camui** changed his nickname to  **samurai gack.**_

**mikusama:** yaaaay gackpo's here!!

 **samurai gack:** Sup

_**Ritsu Namine** changed his nickname to  **ritz.**_

_**Ruko Yokune** changed her nickname to  **goth gf.**_

**mikusama:** the gang's all here!!!!!!!

 **ritz:** hey sluts

 **kagaymine:** does Ruko really qualify as goth...

 **goth gf:** what? do i need to go to the goth school to get a goth degree in being goth?

 **fuckass:** id say ur more scene than anything

 **nya:** my name is Ruko Yokune Darkness Dementia Raven Way,

_**goth gf** changed her nickname to  **goth in progress.**_

**goth in progress:** happy?

 **kagaymine:** yeah :)

 **mikusama:** please don't fight!!! we are all friends here!!!

 **ritz:** no we're all YOUR friends

 **mikusama:** yes and my friends are friends!!!!

 **fuckass:** that's not for u to decide

 **mikusama:** yes it is!!!!! I AM GOD!!!!

 **gumibear:** she declared herself god, remember?

 **kagaymine:** if Miku's God what does that make Gumi

 **mikusama:** gumi's my co-god

 **cul beans:** if you two break up are you going to revoke gumi's goddess privileges?

 **gumibear:** why would we break up?

 **ritz:** don't jinx it lmao

 **mikusama:** the future does not matter right now!!!!

 **nya:** that's actually really inconsiderate cul. you should let them enjoy their relationship without worrying if or when it'll end.

 **cul beans:** sorry you're right...i'm used to fukase.

 **kagaymine:** what's that supposed to mean

 **fuckass:** it means she thinks i'm too irresponsible to have a healthy relationship

 **cul beans:** am i wrong tho?

 **mikusama:** we're not talking about this right now!!!!!!

 **goth in progress:** me neither i'm going to bed.

 **mikusama:** good night ruko!!!!!!

_**goth in progress** is offline._

**cul be** **ans:** it's 3 pm....

 **ritz:** let her live cul

 **samurai gack:** I should leave too, I have a lot of work to do

_**samurai gack** is offline._

**kagaymine:** okay bye Dad

 **nya:** why is he dad?

 **kagaymine:** he just gives off Dad vibes

 **kagaymine:** am I really the only one that feels that?

 **fuckass:** i feel it too

 **fuckass:** is it weird for that to happen when we're dating

 **cul beans:** yes

 **mikusama:** no!

 **nya:** let's take a poll! i'll make a strawpoll about whether it's weird to get dad vibes from the same person as your boyfriend does

 **ritz:** is that really necessary....

 **mikusama:** polls are fun!!!!! who cares if it's necessary?

 **fuckass:** idk if im comfortable w this

 **nya:** okay, no poll then!

 **cul beans:** way to disappoint us iroha

 **gumibear:** that's nice of you,, it's not fun if some people aren't comfortable with it

 **kagaymine:** unless it involves making Kaito uncomfortable

 **fuckass:** YEAH KAITO SUCKS

 **mikusama:** KAITO SUCKS!!!!

 **ritz:**....why does kaito suck i've never met him

 **cul beans:** if you did meet him you would know

 **mikusama:** he's a third year though....i'm not sure you'd get a chance

 **nya:** well there's lunchtime, if kaito happens to stay in his classroom and not roam around finding girls to hit on

 **cul beans:** ritsu i wouldn't recommend finding kaito on your own...considering that you cross-dress every day, who knows how he'll treat you

 **ritz:** does he hate women

 **fuckass:** yea

 **nya:** yeah

 **gumibear:** you could say that

 **ritz:** you couldve just told me that in the first place?

 **cul beans:** well you see, that's just one of his charming quirks

 **mikusama:** mmmmm i'm not in the mood to talk about kaito right now...

 **cul beans:** you were one of the people chanting KAITO SUCKS just a moment ago

 **mikusama:** the moment has passed

 **gumibear:** she's god right now, remember?

 **fuckass:** right now? when will she stop

 **kagaymine:** -\\(ツ)/- 

 **cul beans:** what the fuck is that

 **kagaymine: I**  was trying to make the shrug emote

 **ritz:** you didn't just look it up like a normal person?

 **mikusama:** i know how to do it!! but i can't do it on my phone...

 **kagaymine:** I was trying to show off...

 **ritz:** it didn't work

 **kagaymine:** I see that now

_**cul beans** is offline._

**fuckass:** is that what pushed her over the edge....

 **gumibear:** people don't always say goodbye when they leave.

 **mikusama:** oh gumi......that's so sad..... ;-;

 **mikusama:** i'm going to go over your house and hug you!!!!!

_**mikusama** is offline._

**fuckass:** god's gone

 **fuckass:** let's gossip about kaito

 **ritz:** is this what your relationship with miku is always like...

 **gumibear:** yeah,, i dont mind though. she's so cute and she's so kind to me i love her,,

 **fuckass:** that's gay

 **ritz:** duh?

 **kagaymine:** there isn't a single straight person in this group chat.

 **fuckass:** noice

 **ritz:** wait if miku is gone we can yell at each other better

 **gumibear:** i'm the substitute god

 **ritz:** aw man

 **fuckass:** shit i forgot

 **kagaymine:** there is no escape from god

 **nya:** yes there is. watch.

_**nya** is offline._

**fuckass:** bitch

 **kagaymine:** bitch!

 **ritz:** smartass

 **gumibear:** see? ;; you have something in common with each other no need to fight!

 **ritz:** we're not fighting we're just insulting iroha

 **gumibear:** well,,,,

 **gumibear:** at least you agree,,

 **fuckass:** noah fence but len and i are literally boyfriends why would we hate each other

 **ritz:** you just never know these days!

 **fuckass:** okay that's valid

 **gumibear:** yay!! youre calling each other valid

 **fuckass:** so?

 **kagaymine:** guys, guys. we are ALL valid. and even if I barely know some of you at all, I can safely say you are all valid.

 **ritz:** kaito?

 **gumibear:** kaito isnt here he doesnt count

 **kagaymine:** yeah Kaito's definitely not valid

 **fuckass:** fuck kaito

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy im bad at ending chapters and i probably won't work on this for a while but i wanted to post this before it got sucked into the void of abandoned drafts


	2. the ass crew ft. cat girls

**cul beans:** hey who's up

 **fuckass:** me

 **cul beans:** ugh nvm

_**cul beans** is offline._

**kagaymine:** I'm here too...

 **goth in progress:** why does she hate you so much?

 **fuckass:** she's only kidding around, probably

 **fuckass:** she used to live in my house for a while and now she's pissed off about it

 **kagaymine:** I didn't know that?

 **fuckass:** it hasn't come up

 **fuckass:** we're cousins

 **goth in progress:** whoa!! :o

 **kagaymine:** I should've known from the red hair

 **samurai gack:** I thought Cul was Scottish?

 **fuckass:** her dad is my mom's brother and he moved to scotland and married cul's mom, then they had cul, but then her parents decided to go back to japan and my uncle took his wife and kid to crash at my house until they found somewhere 2 go

 **fuckass:** so she's half scottish and i'm half nottish

 **fuckass:** i was like 5 years old

 **kagaymine:** Gackpo where did you come from

 **fuckass:** where did he go

 **goth in progress:** where did he come from

 **samurai gack:** Sorry, I have a bad habit of lurking...

 **goth in progress:** i didn't know you were so shy gackpo :3

 **goth in progress:** *pets u*

 **fuckass:** oh my god is ruko a furry

 **fuckass:** we already have a furry in this group and her name is iroha

_**ritz** is online._

**ritz:** DID SOMEBODY SAY MY NAME

 **fuckass:** dammit my furry summons are on the fritz

 **ritz:** how do you know i'm not a furry

 **ritz:** OwO

 **kagaymine:** I will pay you if you stop this

 **fuckass:** in what? ;)

 **goth in progress:** gross

 **kagaymine:** sorry I was bluffing

 **fuckass:** oh? well in that case

 **fuckass:** VORE FURRY NYA OWO WHAT'S THIS X3

_**cul beans** is online._

**cul beans:** stop

 **goth in progress:** whoa cul how did you get here so fast

 **goth in progress:**???

 **cul beans:** my fuckass sensors were going off

 **fuckass:** you don't mean me do u? OwO

 **cul beans:** also you make it sound like i hate kids and hold grudges for years

 **cul beans:** i was only 7 myself

 **cul beans:** you're just a constant ass

 **fuckass:** hey guys did you know that cul is the french word for ass

 **fuckass:** whos the real ass now bitch

 **cul beans:** FOR FUXK'S SAKE

 **cul beans:** FOR HE LAST TIME IT'S SHORT FOR CULLODENA

 **fuckass:** she mad

 **goth in progress:** why do you go by cul?

 **cul beans:** CULLODENA SOUNDS LIKE A PRETENTIOUS VALLEY GIRL NAME OR SOME SHIT

 **cul beans:** sorry caps lock

 **fuckass:** are u on ur actual computer

 **fuckass:** it's 2 am

 **cul beans:** are you doing much better fuckass????

 **fuckass:** i guess not

 **fuckass:** asslodena

 **fuckass:** ass beans

 **ritz:** ah the ass cousins

 **cul beans:** STOP

 **goth in progress:** cullodena is a pretty name...cullodena kitamura....

 **goth in progress:** a little long though, i guess

 **cul beans:** lily masuda won the name lottery tbh

 **ritz:** whomst?

 **cul beans:** my gf

 **fuckass:** yknow "masuda" almost sounds like "master"

 **fuckass:** kinky

 **cul beans:** SHUT THE FUCK UP DUDE

 **ritz:** of course lily is the top have you seen what she wears outside of school

 **cul beans:** SHE WEARS HER MODELING CLOTHES

 **cul beans:** SHE'S A PART TIME MODEL

 **samurai gack:** And a second-year at the same time? That's very impressive.

 **cul beans:** THE POINT IS

 **cul beans:** MY GF IS BETTER THAN U

 **fuckass:** i never said she wasnt calm ur tits

 **fuckass:** oh wait you have no tits

 **cul beans:** OH MY GOD!!!!!

_**cul beans** is offline._

**goth in progress:** you're living up to your nickname, fukase ^-^

 **fuckass:** the truth is......the only ass i fuck......is banana boy's

 **kagaymine:** I thought we agreed not to call me banana boy

 **ritz:** is that a dick joke

 **goth in progress:** i wouldn't be surprised

 **goth in progress:** i didn't realize how similar fukase and ritsu are until today

 **ritz:** we're both redhead first year gay boys with prepubescent voices so yeah seconded or w/e

 **ritz:** anyway answer my question im actually curious

 **kagaymine:** I don't...

 **kagaymine:** have...a penis

 **ritz:** oh sorry sorry

 **ritz:** me neither i never started transitioning or anything lmao

 **goth in progress:** i'm trans!!!!!

 **goth in progress:** i didn't know there would be other trans ppl here!! :o

 **samurai gack:** It makes sense. We all met Miku through an SGA, didn't we?

 **kagaymine:** I just happen to be neighbors with her

_**nya** is online._

**nya:** did somebody say IROHA

 **kagaymine:** yeah.....a while ago

 **ritz:** ur late

 **nya:** i just woke up to go to the bathroom...then i got bored and checked here

 **nya:** but i guess miku is sleeping...so there's no point

_**nya** is offline._

**ritz:** guess miku is the only important part of this group

 **fuckass:**  headcanon: miku wore a hello kitty fursuit once and iroha lost her balls

 **ritz:** mood

 **kagaymine:** she does have a catgirl cosplay...

 **fuckass:** WH

 **fuckass:** I WAS JOKING

 **kagaymine:** I think I still have the pic on my phone of me, her and Gumi

 **fuckass:** H

_**kagaymine** sent a picture._

**kagaymine:** yep

 **fuckass:** NTAEAMURSK6RSUSUD

 **fuckass:** MY BOYFRIEND IS A FURRY

 **kagaymine:** it was just for some weird play Miku wanted to do

 **goth in progress:** is that meiko sakine??

 **kagaymine:** yeah Miku got her to be in the play somehow

 **fuckass:** HOLY SHIT

 **ritz:** MEIKO SAKINE

 **samurai gack:** I've never seen that side of her...

 **fuckass:** TOP STUDENT OF 2017 CLASS

 **fuckass:**  IN A CATGIRL COSTUME WITH MY BOYFRIEND

 **fuckass:** WHERE WAS I DURING THIS

 **kagaymine:** this was in middle school we weren't dating yet

 **kagaymine:** well, Meiko was a first year in high school, but the rest of us were in middle school

 **goth in progress:** i can't believe you were friends with meiko!!

 **samurai gack:** How do you all know about her? Is she famous?

 **ritz:** my math teacher is always telling us to be like meiko she might as well be the school mascot lmao

 **goth in progress:** meiko had the best grades of anyone in her class and her teachers are all so proud of her

 **samurai gack:** Good for her!

 **goth in progress:** i better get some sleep! if i want to be a good student like her!

 **_goth in progress_ ** _is offline._

 **kagaymine:** and what a good student she is, staying up until 3 am to talk with her friends,

 **samurai gack:** Isn't this the pot calling the kettle black...?

 **kagaymine:** I never said I was being a good student

 **kagaymine:** but I'll go to bed anyway, I'm tired

 **_kagaymine_ ** _is offline._

 **_nya_ ** _is online._

 **nya:**  i heard a catgirl cosplay pic was sent here

 **nya:** in that case, i will show you all my catgirl pictures from 2012-present

_**ritz** is offline._

_**fuckass** is offline._

**samurai gack:**...I'll stay to see them

 **nya:** that is so valid

 


	3. the kagamine dream team (it almost rhymes that's good enough isnt it)

_**kagaymine** changed his nickname to  **banana boy.**_

**fuckass:** did u have a change of heart banana boy

 **banana boy:** sure did tomato man

 **fuckass:** wh

 **banana boy:** i love bananas

 **banana boy:** i will show you some of my banana photos now

_**banana boy** sent a picture._

_**banana boy** sent a picture._

_**banana boy** sent a picture._

_**banana boy** sent a video._

**goth in progress:**???

 **banana boy:** oopsies i accidentally sent an embarrassing video

 **gumibear:** hm

 **banana boy:** hope no one watches the video of me making out with my incredibly handsome makoto tachibana body pillow

 **banana boy:** and feeding him bananas

 **banana boy:** it'd be soooo embarrassing

 **gumibear:** umm, "len," can i ask you a question,,

 **banana boy:** why the quotation marks

 **gumibear:** because i was wondering,, why your typing style's changed

 **fuckass:** o shit

 **fuckass:** detective gumi is on the case

 **mikusama:** i love detective gumi!!!

 **banana boy:** is it a crime to change your demeanor every now and then?

 **banana boy:** i'm testing a new image called banana boy

 **banana boy:** he loves bananas and types in all lowercase

 **gumibear:** you're obviously not len.

 **banana boy:** that's right

 **banana boy:** i am banana boy

 **banana boy:** len kagamine....is dead

 **fuckass:** babe no

 **gumibear:** this is an imposter

 **gumibear:** you couldnt even copy his typing style?

 **goth in progress:** you lied. there were no bananas in that video.

 **fuckass:** KFYSHRSJTSUT YOU ACTUALLY WATCHED IT?????

 **goth in progress:** you didn't??

 **mikusama:** we don't have time to talk about bananas!!!! we have a len impersonator in our midst!!!!

 **banana boy:** i'm banana boy now

 **fuckass:** man it's not like we can really match it up 2 anyone either bc that typing style is so generic

 **gumibear:** you've got to look out for little things

 **gumibear:** tone and such

 **mikusama:** gumi's tone is being the cutest girl on the planet <3

 **gumibear:** i love you

 **fuckass:** by the way banana boy why am i tomato man. why not red velvet cake man i love red velvet cake

 **banana boy:** fukase is the only man who respects me

 **fuckass:** answer the question

 **gumibear:** i suppose calling you banana boy wouldnt hurt,,,, better then just saying "fake len" or something

 **banana boy:** thank you gumigumi

 **gumibear:** gotcha!

 **goth in progress:**???

 **mikusama:** you know who it is gumi??

 **gumibear:** there's only one person who ever calls me gumigumi

 **gumibear:**  and that's...

 **mikusama:**  !!!!!

 **gumibear:** rin kagamine!

 **mikusama:** whoa!!!!!!!

 **mikusama:** there is no end to gumi's genius!!!!!!

 **banana boy:** i'm not rin i'm banana boy

 **banana boy:** and i love bananas

 **banana boy:** and makoto tachibana

 **banana boy:** i'm going to eat bananas with him now

_**banana boy** is offline._

**mikusama:**  curses!!!! she got away!!!!!

 **gumibear:** are we going to delete the video she sent...?

 **mikusama:**...i wanna watch it

 **gumibear:** miku no,

 **mikusama:** you can't stop me detective gumi!!!!!

 **fuckass:** ok the video is actually p funny

 **fuckass:** no banana eating though

 **goth in progress:** i never thought of len to be someone who likes anime body pillows :o

 **fuckass:** we all have skeletons in our closet

 **fuckass:** for example

_**goth in progress** is offline._

**fuckass:**  ???

 **mikusama:** she's not strong enough yet

* * *

**_banana boy_** _is online._

 **ritz:**..........he returns

 _ **banana boy** changed his nickname to_  _ **i will fucking kill rin.** _

**ritz:** oh snapola

 **cul beans:** o.o

 **_i will fucking kill rin_** _changed his nickname to **kagaymine.**_

_**kagaymine** is offline._

**ritz:** suspense...

 **cul beans:** speaking of rin, she's the only one who doesn't call me cul

 **ritz:** does she know french

 **cul beans:** she calls me culoculo

 **cul beans:** but sometimes it comes out kurokuro...

 **mikusama:** she calls me mikumiku!!!!

 **ritz:** i guess she just does that thing with everyone's names

 **ritz:** my name is 2 short though rip

 **mikusama:** my name is four letters!!!!!! you can still be ritsuritsu!!!

 **ritz:** it's not as kawaii tho

 **cul beans:** so does she just call len lenlen?

 **ritz:** she probs calls him oniisama

 **cul beans:** they're twins...and i think rin is the older twin anyway

 **mikusama:** older by 4 minutes i think!

 **ritz:** 4 minutes exactly?

 **mikusama:**???? i dunno!!!!

 **ritz:** maybe it was 4 minutes 20 seconds

 **cul beans:** dude

 **ritz:** and the reason rin came out first was bc len was "busy"

 **cul beans:** you're as bad as fuckass.

_**cul beans** is offline._

**mikusama:** have you met cul irl?

 **ritz:** only a couple of times

 **mikusama:** she's a total tsundere~

 **mikusama:** she's red all over when she's with lily~

 **mikusama:** she caught me watching her stuttering throughout their conversation and threw her bento at me~

 **ritz:** jfzfjzjfzjfs did u eat it

 **mikusama:** there was only half left but i ate it. it was okay

_**nya** is online._

**nya:** i wasn't here when len was being hacked

 **nya:** so i'm going to make him suffer more

 **mikusama:** iroha???? what do you mean???

_**nya** added  **Rin Kagamine** to the group._

**mikusama:** you!!!!

_**Rin Kagamine** changed her nickname to  **kagaymine.**_

**kagaymine:** now.....i am len

 **mikusama:** i won't allow this!!!

 **kagaymine:** mikumiku....pwease....

 **nya:** give her another chance, mikumiku!

 **kagaymine:** i have more embarrassing len videos to show you

_**kagaymine** sent a video._

_**kagaymine** sent a video._

**ritz:** iroha r u like....in cahoots w/ rin

 **nya:**............maybe....

 **ritz:** what r u getting out of this

 **kagaymine:** embarrassing len is fun

 **ritz:** good point

 **mikusama:** okay um those videos are actually pretty funny

 **kagaymine:** you're welcome :)

_**kagaymine** is online._

_**ritz** sent a picture._

**nya:** ritsu how did you just have that prepared

 **kagaymine:** who doesn't have a spiderman clone picture with our faces photoshopped on it

 **kagaymine:** RIN DELETE THOSE

 **kagaymine:** you have to be proud of yourself len

 **kagaymine:** MIKU!!!!!

 **kagaymine:** mikumiku can't save you now banana boy

 **kagaymine:** DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!!!

 **kagaymine:** MIKU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **mikusama:** oh hi len!!!!!

 **mikusama:** it's time for a kagaymine FIGHT!!!!!

 **kagaymine:** KICK HE R

 **kagaymine:** IROHA WHY DDID YOU NRING HER HERE

 **mikusama:** but this is fun!!

 **mikusama:** FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!!!

 **ritz:** then record it and send it here

 **kagaymine:** Rin why are you doing this

_**samurai gack** is online._

**kagaymine:**  GACKPO SAVE ME

 **samurai gack:** From what?

 **kagaymine:** KICK RIN

 **samurai gack:** Oh is Rin here?

 **nya:** before you kick her watch the embarrassing len videos she sent

 **kagaymine:** N O

 **samurai gack:** I won't stand for the humiliation of our friend

 **samurai gack:** I'm sorry, Rin

 **nya:** no wait

_**kagaymine** has been kicked._

**nya:**...

 **ritz:** omg gackpo

 **samurai gack:** Miku, you should delete her messages.

 **kagaymine:** actually, I had a change of heart. keep them up.

 **ritz:** ur not fooling us

 **nya:** no no this is fine

 **samurai gack:** Oh no...I kicked the wrong one didn't I

 **kagaymine:** no I am Len Kagamine

 **mikusama:**...i hate to blow your cover but i can see when you joined the server

 **kagaymine:** dammit!!

 **kagaymine:** mikumiku please consider....not kicking me....pwease

 **mikusama:** i'm sorry rin...but...

 **mikusama:** i fight for my friends!!!!!

_**kagaymine** has been kicked._

**mikusama:** i'll delete the videos after i save them to my phone!!!

 **nya:** it's all thanks to rin

 **ritz:** okay im just gonna say it

 **ritz:** iroha totes has a crush on rin

 **nya:** no we're in different years!!

 **ritz:** i mean they turn 16 in december right

 **ritz:** and u just turned 17 like....a month ago

 **ritz:** so its not that big a difference

_**nya** is offline._

**ritz:** and ur totes gay for her

 **ritz:** ooooo someone's embarrassed

 **ritz:** not as embarrassed as len tho

 **ritz:** aw miku u deleted the videos :(

 **mikusama:** it was the right thing to do....

 **mikusama:** r.i.p. banana boy....

 **samurai gack:** Shouldn't we add him back?

 **ritz:** idk if he'll want 2 be back

 **mikusama:** luckily nicknames reset when u leave a group!!! so we won't mess up this time!!!!

 _ **mikusama** added _ _**Len Kagamine** to the group._

_**Len Kagamine** is offline._

**ritz:** didnt even change his nickname back

 **ritz:** press f 2 pay repsects

 **mikusama:** f

 **ritz:** f

 **samurai gack:** f

_**nya** is online._

**nya:** f

_**nya** is offline._

**ritz:** iroha came back just 2 pay respects what a hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do u know how hard it is to write joke vocaloid fanfics when u don't like anime. i have seen like 10 episodes of free, when i was 13-14 years old, and i remember almost none of it
> 
> p.s. sorry. i couldn't handle not having rin around


	4. hatsune miku for super smash bros ultimate dlc

**ritz:** hey guys

 **ritz:** do you think i'm a twink

 **nya:** yeah

 **goth in progress:** yeah

 **cul beans:** you crossdress and wear a tight uniform i think the answer is obvious

 **ritz:** my uniform's only tight bc it used to be ruko's and she has a smaller size

 **ritz:** when she came out as a girl i was like "hey. they won't let me wear a boy's uniform wanna trade" and she was like "yeet"

 **goth in progress:** i don't say yeet

 **ritz:** im paraphrasing

 **_mikusama_ ** _i_ _s online._

 **mikusama:** WHO DO YOU ALL MAIN IN SUPER SMASH BROS????

 **cul beans:**............why do you ask

 **nya:** lucina and bayonetta

 **nya:** because they're hot

 **ritz:** what if you're playing brawl

 **nya:** i play as the hottest girls i can find.

 **cul beans:** answer the question miku.

 **mikusama:** you'll see!!!!

 **ritz:** i main mega man

 **cul beans:** really? i expected bayonetta or peach

 **ritz:** ppl don't choose their mains based off what they look like, ass beans

 **ritz:** i just like the mega man games

 **ritz:** either that or i play as samus

 **mikusama:** cul!!!!!! who do you main!!!!!!

 **cul beans:** i'm still suspicious of your intentions

 **goth in progress:** oh oops i zoned out...i main kirby

 **ritz:** ruko naps in class so she is legally obligated to main either kirby or jigglypuff because everyone knows your main must match your personality/appearance

 **cul beans:** shut up ritsu

 **nya:** who do you main cul

 **cul beans:** i'm waiting for miku to answer my question

 **mikusama:** uwu

_**gumibear** is online._

**gumibear:** miku told me to come and announce who i main in super smash brothers,,

 **gumibear:** it's sonic

 **ritz:** why

 **gumibear:** because,,, i really love sonic,

 **ritz:** hey i have an idea on how we can get cul to answer the question

 **cul beans:** all i wanna know is how miku is using the information no need to be a bitch about it

 **ritz:** **@fuckass** get in here buddy

 **ritz:** i know ur online ur just afk or smth

 **cul beans:** DUDE

 **gumibear:**???

 **ritz:** they're cousins so i figured

 **cul beans:** WTF M AN

 **goth in progress:** are you upset...?

 **nya:** yeah a super smash brothers main is nothing to be ashamed of!

 **fuckass:** whaddup i was pinged

 **cul beans:** DON;T BLOW THIS FOR M E FUCKASS

 **fuckass:** OH MAINS I MAIN CAPTAIN FALCON

 **fuckass:** and ass beans mains............................

 **mikusama:** :o

 **fuckass:**........................................................

 **gumibear:** suspense,,,

 **cul beans:** FUKASE,

 **fuckass:**..........................................................................................a fucking mii fighter

 **cul beans:** HE'S LYIOGNG

 **fuckass:** but not just any mii!

 **fuckass:** a mii she made

 **cul beans:** S T OP

 **fuckass:** of lily masuda

_**cul beans** is offline._

**ritz:** u broke her

 **ritz:** she was so desparate she started calling you fukase

 **gumibear:** i think that's cute ;;

 **mikusama:** yea!!!! that's so cute!!!!!!

 **ritz:** u really think cul likes being called cute

 **mikusama:** when it's lily, yes!

 **gumibear:** i'd main miku if she was playable,,,,

 **ritz:** uh,

 **ritz:** a little weird but i appreciate the gayness

 **mikusama:** aww >////<

 **nya:** if lucina was real i'd still main her

 **nya:** and/or bayonetta

 **gumibear:** why do you want our mains anyway? ;;

 **mikusama:** not yet!! i have yet to find out gackpo's main!!

 **ritz:** what about len

 **fuckass:** he mains whatever fire emblem characters he can find

 **mikusama:** i already know len's!!! he mains ike and marth and other fire emblem characters

 **ritz:** nerd

 **goth in progress:** jtkkkkkkkkkkkgyyyyyyffxddddddddc c

 **ritz:** AJDHFAJAGJKHSDD

 **nya:** am i having a stroke

 **ritz:** SHE FELL ASLEEP ON THE KEYBOARD AGSVDDAHfagjas' AFBDs

 **mikusama:** i wish she fell asleep on the z key so she could make a bunch of z's

 **ritz:** i'm gonna like, go over her house and make sure she actually ends up in bed

 **nya:**...but it's only 3:00

 **ritz:** do you think time exists in ruko's universe

 **ritz:** she naps during LUNCH PERIOD

 **ritz:** later sluts

_**ritz** is offline._

**mikusama:**  i guess i better text gackpo or call him and ask him that way! i need to get this research done a! s! a! p!!!!!

_**mikusama** is offline._

**nya:** oh if she's rushing that makes me kinda curious actually

 **nya:** gumi do you know what she's doing this for?

 **gumibear:** no,, but

 **gumibear:** i noticed its been 39 days since miku started this group chat

 **fuckass:**.....is that important or smth

 **gumibear:** miku really likes that number because

 **gumibear:** it can be read like her name and she thinks it's neat

 **nya:** is she doing this for some sorta 39 day anniversary thing?

 **fuckass:** why...is this chat really that special

 **gumibear:** it's a place for her to talk to all her friends! i think that's enough to be special to her!

 **fuckass:** also why did u keep track of how many days it's been

 **gumibear:** um ;;

 **gumibear:** i guess i um. just like to expect anniversaries at this point

 **nya:** is miku going to make everyone fight in super smash brothers? there's 9 ppl they wont fit

 **nya:** although i guess cul is too embarrassed to play now

 **fuckass:** if she's making us fight why won't she let us choose our own mains

 **gumibear:** hm,, i dont think that's it

_**mikusama**  _ _is online._

**mikusama:** i'm baaaaack~

 **nya:** welcome home

 **mikusama:** gackpo's main is cloud btw!! he also likes fire emblem

 **fuckass:** of course he does lmao

 **fuckass:** doesnt he like. pretend to be a samurai all the time

 **nya:** let him have fun

 **mikusama:** okay!! here it is!!!

_**mikusama** sent a picture._

**mikusama:** surprise!!!!!!!! i have the amiibos of all our mains!!!!

 **mikusama:** except the mii fighter...so i just drew a picture of lily really quick

 **nya:** pikachu, sonic, marth, cloud, kirby, megaman, bayonetta, captain falcon...and lily

 **fuckass:** the crossover no one wanted!

 **nya:** be nice

 **fuckass:** let's make this the world's shittiest fanfic together ill start

_**kagaymine** is online._

**fuckass:** It was another peaceful day in Green Hill Zone. As always, Captain Falcon was looking for adventure, but today he would be wanting something more from a very special blue hedgehog.

_**kagaymine** is offline._

**fuckass:** BABE NO

 **fuckass:** COME BACK

 **nya:**...have you actually played the f-zero games?

 **fuckass:**???

 **nya:** the games that captain falcon is from?

 **fuckass:** OH

 **fuckass:** nah i just like to piss people off

 **gumibear:** Suddenly, Captain Falcon heard something completely unexpected--a gunshot in the distance. Who could be using such a weapon in a place like this? There was only one way to find out. He flew straight toward the sound.

 **gumibear:** wait can he fly? i haven't played ssb in a while ;;

 **fuckass:** who cares its fanfiction

 **fuckass:** all bets are off yknow?

 **nya:** Captain Falcon was shocked by the sight before him. Something blue, humanoid, curled up in a ball. It was Mega Man, cowering before the sexiest woman in the universe, dressed in all black with a gun in each hand. "It's been a long time, Captain Falcon," Bayonetta greeted him casually.

_**samurai gack** is online._

**mikusama:** Behind Bayonetta lay the victim of the gunshot that had summoned Captain Falcon. A swordsman with navy blue hair, clutching at his stomach in a feeble attempt to stop the blood. He looked up at Captain Falcon, eyes gleaming in a silent plea for help.

 **fuckass:** "Bayonetta," Captain Falcon growled. "I thought you were banished." He would not let justice go unserved. While holding the woman to his glare, he readied his Falcon Punch.

 **samurai gack:** Bayonetta chuckled. "It's going to take more than a few hits to get me off the grid." She kicked Mega Man in the shins and grinned evilly. "Captain Falcon won't save you this time, Mega Man."

 **mikusama:** Captain Falcon lowered his fist, seeing a familiar look in Mega Man's innocent eyes. "Why are you doing this?" he demanded.

 **gumibear:** Bayonetta tapped a pistol to her cheek. "I thought you would know, my Captain. I've been ordered to slay every blue creature I come across." She gestured to Captain Falcon's blue suit. "But don't worry. I'll spare you for last."

 **fuckass:** Captain Falcon gasped in horror. If Bayonetta was here, in Green Hill Zone, that could only mean one thing. "Sonic..."

_**ritz** is online._

**samurai gack:** "Correct," Bayonetta sneered, pointing her pistol down at the helpless Mega Man. "Any last words, Mega Man?"

 **nya:** There was nothing else Captain Falcon could do. He held his hands together in a silent prayer, begging God to give him the power to bring a miracle to these poor blue victims.

 **ritz:** what the fuck is going on in here on this day


	5. disaster lesbians anonymous

_**cul beans** added  **Lily Masuda** to the group._

**ritz:** LET'S GO LESBIANS

 **Lily Masuda:** oh my god lesbians

 **mikusama:** hi lily!!!!! :o

 **Lily Masuda:** sup miku

 **cul beans:** she wanted to join this group chat. for some reason.

 **Lily Masuda:** can i stay or is this like. exclusive to ppl who know miku

 **mikusama:** you know me!!!!

 **Lily Masuda:** yeah but not as well as cul beans does

 **mikusama:** oooohhhhh you gave her that nickname????

 **mikusama:** that's sooooo cute

 **Lily Masuda:** thanks we invented being cute

 **Lily Masuda:** because we're lesbians

 **Lily Masuda:** hey babe did you disappear

 **cul beans:** no...

 **cul beans:** i love you so much

 **ritz:** cul? a disaster lesbian? it's more likely than you think

 **mikusama:** i told you!!!! she's so tsundere!!!!

 **cul beans:** i'm NOT TSUNDERE

 **cul beans:** i just think fuckass is annoying

 **Lily Masuda:** with a name like fuckass he has no choice

 **mikusama:** are you going to have a nickname??

 **ritz:** you have to set a nickname or else everyone will think ur weird

 **Lily Masuda:** yeah yeah i can't decide on one though

 **ritz:** does cul have a nickname for u

 **Lily Masuda:** oh yeah!!

_**Lily Masuda** changed her nickname to  **bumblebee.**_

**mikusama:** CUUUUUUUTE!!!!!!!!

_**gumibear** is online._

**bumblebee:** yo gumi!!

 **gumibear:** omg

 **gumibear:** lily masuda herself???

 **bumblebee:** ;)

_**goth in progress** is online._

**goth in progress:** LILY'S HERE!!!!

 **goth in progress:** omg!

 **bumblebee:** whomst is that

 **goth in progress:** ruko yokune! ^-^

 **bumblebee:** guys what is she doing here isn't she like 12

 **goth in progress:** i'm 15!!

 **ritz:** she's 15

 **ritz:** in an alternate universe she is 12 and i am 6 and we sing J-rock and get called slurs

 **goth in progress:** we already get called slurs sometimes... T_T

 **gumibear:** what universe is that?

 **bumblebee:** who the fuck is calling these little baby kids slurs i'll beat them up seven times each

 **ritz:** idk i had a dream of it once

 **ritz:** i have weird dreams

 **bumblebee:** it's fucking kaito isn't it

 **ritz:** ive actually never met kaito? but i heard he sucks

 **goth in progress:** yeah ditto

_**nya** is online._

**goth in progress:** i don't know any specific names...it doesnt happen very often which is good

 **nya:** holy shit

 **bumblebee:** ok just let me know if somebody needs a beating

 **nya:** LILY???

 **bumblebee:** why is everyone so excited

 **mikusama:** BECAUSE YOU'RE HOT!!!!!!

 **ritz:** cul has been awfully quiet...eyes emoji

 **ritz:** is she jealous

 **ritz:** eyes emoji

 **bumblebee:** why do you keep typing out "eyes emoji"

 **cul beans:** i didn't take into account how hot my girlfriend is

 **bumblebee:** thanks babe xo

 **cul beans:** I LOBE YOU

 **cul beans:** LOVE

 **mikusama:** i bet cul's blushing sooo much right now owo

 **cul beans:** I'M NOT

_**cul beans** is offline._

**ritz:** rip

 **nya:** death by disaster lesbianism

 **ritz:** lily keeping u here might be dangerous

 **ritz:** ur surrounded by gay girls

 **bumblebee:** just the way i like it ;)

 **ritz:** are u polyamorous or just horny

 **bumblebee:** both!

 **bumblebee:** but mostly polyamorous

 **bumblebee:** yo miku can i kiss ur gf

 **gumibear:** aaaaaaaa

_**gumibear** is offline._

**bumblebee:** ah

 **bumblebee:** too forward?

 **mikusama:** i dont blame her! you're hot!

_**fuckass** is online._

**ritz:** does cul kno that u flirt with every girl in the universe

 **bumblebee:** yeah

 **bumblebee:** but she's my cul beans. my cinderella. my

 **bumblebee:** uh

 **bumblebee:** girlfriend

 **bumblebee:** romance makes no sense

 **fuckass:** hey lily do you know french

 **bumblebee:** no?

 **nya:** don't do this in front of her girlfriend!!

 **fuckass:** y not

 **fuckass:** i wouldnt break up with len or anything if his name was french for ass

 **bumblebee:** it's not like her name is fuckass

 **ritz:** oh snap

 **bumblebee:** who names their kid fuckass anyway

 **mikusama:** wait

 **ritz:** ADHSNADAGAF

 **ritz:** FUKASE

 **fuckass:** my name isnt

 **nya:** lily do you not know his name

 **fuckass:** you think fuckass is my real name.

_**bumblebee** _ _is offline._

**mikusama:** a fall from grace... u_u

 **fuckass:** is there such thing as a lesbian who isn't a disaster

 **nya:** from my own lesbian experience, no

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i've been busy with my own disaster lesbian issues...which is also why this ended up being short oops


	6. stop! miku's violated the law!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi if you're confused this fic is now titled...That, instead of "in this house, everyone is valid, except kaito" bc i like this title better

**goth in progress:** i'm grounded

 **ritz:** why

 **goth in progress:** my mom got mad at me for sleeping through the entirety of my classes after lunch. i told her it was a food coma and she didn't believe me because i had one serving of yakisoba

 **ritz:** why didnt u just lie to her

 **goth in progress:** she packs my lunches

 **goth in progress:** she told me to readjust my sleeping schedule and stop using my phone so much

 **ritz:** omg ur disobeying ur parents

 **goth in progress:** no

 **goth in progress:** did you know you can use skype on your nintendo 3ds browser if you try hard enough?

 **ritz:** i actually dont believe u

_**kagaymine** is online._

**goth in progress:** that's because you dont know computers!! -_-

 **kagaymine:** hi uh

 **ritz:** henlo

 **kagaymine:** are you the only people online right now?

 **fuckass:** i just wanna know how to get skype on my nintendo 3ds

 **goth in progress:** just google it!

 **fuckass:** len just told me to get off my phone and come help him. i cant believe he's harassing minors

 **kagaymine:** I was hoping more people would be here, but there really isn't time to like. dwell on that

 **goth in progress:**???

 **kagaymine:** Miku's stuck in jail.

 **goth in progress:**????????????

 **ritz:** who is what in what now

 **goth in progress:** why would she be in jail??

 **kagaymine:** I don't know. Rin says it's because world domination is illegal and Miku kept saying the world would be hers and that's why she got arrested

 **kagaymine:** even though Gumi is the one who keeps robbing her

 **ritz:** hello???

_**cul beans** is online._

**ritz:** what the fuck is happening?????

 **kagaymine:** the problem is Miku spent so much money trying to take over Tokyo and now she doesn't have bail money

 **kagaymine:** which is really impressive bc bail is only ¥50000

 **cul beans:** what did she get arrested for?? littering??

 **ritz:** this isnt the spongebob universe cul

 **kagaymine:** I told her not to take Akasaka and she didn't listen

 **cul beans:** what's happening in akasaka??

 **kagaymine:** Miku conquered it in her quest to own Tokyo

 **kagaymine:** and now she's broke

 **kagaymine:** and homeless

 **cul beans:** wh

 **goth in progress:** what about her family???

 **kagaymine:** Miku says that her parents were murdered by Fukase but Fukase says that it was an accident

 **kagaymine:** which means Fukase committed manslaughter and sooner or later he's going to prison

 **cul beans:** uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh??

 **goth in progress:** why???????

 **kagaymine:** Fukase was trying to get Akasaka for himself

 **kagaymine:** so I guess he was trying to stop Miku and killed her parents on the way? idk

 **ritz:** i dont know what's going on

 **kagaymine:** man Miku just needs 50000 yen to get out of jail and no one's giving it to her

 **kagaymine:** I mean I just gave her 2000 yen but that's nothing

 **cul beans:** i think i have some money but i'm too confused

 **cul beans:** miku won't tell you why she's in jail??

 **kagaymine:** she says she's been framed for Gumi's crimes

 **goth in progress:** why would gumi commit crimes??

 **kagaymine:** she keeps taking Miku's money

 **kagaymine:** but not anymore since Miku's in jail

 **kagaymine:** Gumi says she's innocent and it was all legal transactions but Miku says she's lying

 **goth in progress:** why is gumi robbing her girlfriend???

 **kagaymine:** Gumi just had bad luck apparently and she didn't have money for a while

 **goth in progress:** what do you mean??

 **kagaymine:** the point is I'm allying with Miku and we need some help with ideas on how to get her out of jail

 **ritz:** i have like...700 yen

 **goth in progress:** i have 2000

 **cul beans:** don't you have any money to give her len???

 **kagaymine:** your money wouldn't be good here. we need like...jailbreak strategies

 **ritz:** i'm 15 i dont know anything about jail

 **cul beans:** yeah and miku's 16

 **kagaymine:** wait wait wait

 **kagaymine:** okay it's all good. it's fine. Miku just rolled doubles

 **cul beans:** wait.

 **kagaymine:** it took like 8 turns but she finally did it and she might go bankrupt if she lands on one of Fukase's properties but she's out

 **cul beans:** she

 **cul beans:** this is about monopoly?

 **kagaymine:** yeah? why would Miku be in irl jail

 **cul beans:** man fuck you len

 **cul beans:** you just totally ruined my date with lily

_**cul beans** is offline._

**goth in progress:** i thought monopoly bail was only ¥5000?

 **kagaymine:** we changed a few rules to raise the stakes

 **ritz:** i think ur too invested in monopoly

 **ritz:** how long have you even been playing

 **kagaymine:** about 5 hours

 **goth in progress:** no!! you need to eat dinner!!

 **kagaymine:** don't worry we have plenty of snacks

 **kagaymine:** including a concerning amount of kitkat bars

 **ritz:** wait why would u need jailbreak strategies 4 monopoly

 **kagaymine:** strategies for Miku to gather enough bail money or a get out of jail free card

 **kagaymine:** I could have given her bail money I guess but I lost almost all my money to Fukase

 **kagaymine:** and no one else offered to help

 **kagaymine:** I tried negotiating with Fukase but we ended up almost making out

 **goth in progress:** wait how is miku homeless

 **goth in progress:**???

 **kagaymine:** she's the only one of us without any houses

 **goth im progress:** so she's houseless!

 **ritz:** how did fukase commit manslaughter in monopoly

 **kagaymine:** we like adding lore to our board game sessions. we have more fun this way

 **kagaymine:** I'll let you know if we need any more help from the outside!

_**kagaymine** is offline._

**ritz:** weirdo

 **goth in progress:** i think it's cool! maybe when i'm ungrounded i can go over your house and we can play intense monopoly!!

 **ritz:** you always fall asleep during monopoly

 **goth in progress:** HEY!!

 **goth in progress:** it's the thought that counts!!!


End file.
